Even the flowers would like these jokes!

Because we love to laugh, we thought we’d add a few jokes each month just for the heck of it-because we want you to smile when you think of us.  So here is the start of the humor page…and new ones are added to the end each time.

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. “That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him. “Yeah,” the yuppie replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” “Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” replied the yuppie, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.  (Oh, dear, maybe not politically correct-does anyone say yuppie anymore, but still, funny…)

A funeral director asked a young minister to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. He was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, he did not ask for directions. He finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen. He apologized to the workers for being late. As He looked into the open grave, He saw the vault lid already in place. he told the workers he would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening. He was young and enthusiastic and poured out his heart and soul as he preached. The workers joined in with, “Praise the Lord,” “Amen,” and “Glory!” He got so into the service that He preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation. When the service was over, He said a prayer and walked to his car. As He opened the door, he heard one of the workers say, “I never saw anything like that before and I’ve been putting in septic systems for twenty years.”

 

And one last knee slapper…

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

See you next time!

 

New Jokes for February 17, 2018; in which we have just had 3 days of rain, flooding, and warmer weather, only to be met by snowing again-but, hey, this is Ohio!

As a  mom, I enjoyed these:

 

Columbus’ Mother: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Chris. You still could have written.”

Michelangelo’s Mother: “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?”

Mary’s Mother: “I’m not upset that your lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.”

Batman’s Mother: “It’s a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?”

Goldilocks Mother: “I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?”

Albert Einstein’s Mother: “But, Albert, it’s your senior picture. Can’t you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something…?”

George Washington’s Mother: “The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”

Superman’s Mother: “Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?”

Thomas Edison’s Mother: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed.”