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Giggles

Laughter is the flowerbed of life…

Because we love to laugh, we thought we’d add a few jokes each month just for the heck of it- because we want you to smile when you think of us

The newest ones are always first…this is for my teacher friends, still in the trenches.

YOU WANT WHAT?
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, “Lord, please grant me one wish.” Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The man said, “Please, Lord, build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I need to see beautiful sights and alleviate the stress in my life.” The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify such an intervention just to satisfy your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would truly evoke my almighty power of blessing.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they really feel, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘oh, it’s nothing,’ and, most important, how I can make a woman truly happy.”

After a few moments, God said: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”

THE LESSON-it’s in there, somewhere….


Then Jesus took his disciples up to the mountain and gathering them around him, he taught them, saying:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are they that mourn. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are they that thirst for justice. Blessed are you when persecuted. Blessed are you when you suffer. Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven.”

Then Simon Peter said: “Do we have to write this down?”

And Andrew said: “Are we supposed to know this?”

And James said: “Will we have a test on this?”

And Phillip said: “I don’t have any paper!”

And Bartholomew said: “Do we have to turn this in?”

And John said: “The other disciples didn’t have to learn this!”

And Matthew said: “Can I go to the boys’ room?”

And Judas said: “What does this have to do with real life?”

Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus’ lesson plan and inquired of Jesus: “Where are your anticipatory set and objectives in the cognitive domain?”

And Jesus wept.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I was at the checkout of a local Walmart. The cashier rang up the $46.64 charges. I gave her a fifty-dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.I gave her the money back — same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us! …..

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.

I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’

“They’re already buy-one- get-one-free,” she said, “so I guess they’re both free.”

She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us! …..

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends, when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!”

Someone looked up at the sky and asked, “Where?”

They Walk Among Us! …..

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north; because, he explained,

he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, “Does the sunrise in the north?”

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,

“Oh, I don’t keep up with all that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us!! …..

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked

what hours the call center was open.

I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

They Walk Among Us! …..

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us! …..

My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.

Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us! …..

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.

“Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”

So I replied, “No Ma’am, The Pilot told us we’re circling the airport, 3rd in line to land” …..

They Walk Among Us! …..

While working at a pizza place, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.

He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..

He thought about it for some time before responding. “Just cut it into four pieces. I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six pieces.”

Yep, they walk among us…. bless their hearts

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